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Okay, I went to this seminar on dating. I really wasn't going to go, because I figured I was doing alright. I was so wrong, and I'm so glad I went. Before I get started, I want to leave you with a few quotes that really troubled me. "Testing shows that for guys, sex is 70 times stronger addiction than heroine." "Men give love for sex. Women give sex for love." "If a man touches you in a way he would not touch his mother, he is lusting over you." "If you touch a man in a way you would not touch your father, it is immodest." Well, well, well... I went to this thing... and I'm seriousely stressed. I finally realized that the way I give into guys needs is the reason that I cannot keep a guy. Up 'til tonight I was delusional. I was telling myself... "I'm just having fun." Whatever... I see now, those guys were just using me. It's a horrible realization, and I know it sucks, because I have to really re-think everything I do. Like, some people were mentioning that when they see a guy or girl sitting alone together, they think they must be dating. Or if you have your arm wrapped around a guy, people think you're dating. I never knew this. What is worse? The guys think every time you are alone with them for an extended period of time, it is a date. That was like... WOW for me... EVERY DAY I eat lunch, or I go study, or SOMTHING with a guy, alone. Maybe a few times a day, with a few different guys. For everyone to be agreeing with that... My gosh, you know? Somthing else that came of this was... I realized God has used me as an aid for a perfect relationship between 2 people. I think you all might remember when I hooked up 2 of my friends for their prom this past year. Well, they're going on 5 months. Which is nothing special... but what is special about it is that, he's only kissed her twice. He respects her enough not to offer her temptations. That is just astonishing to me. I really do feel like that relationship is a gift from God, and God used me to bring them together. If it were not for me, I don't know for certain if they would ever have learned each other's name. I'm just so grateful. Going to a completely different topic: It's so amazing how people can have such different opinions of what the ideal realtionship is. Meh: I can't possibly immagine... As long as it strengthens the bond, my self immage, and my love for God... I think that's it. Like, one that is healthy enough that I could just drop and not feel any less loved, or any less love for God. But I stay, because you can see it making you a better person. Meh: What is yours? She: a relationship with an intellectually stimulating guy who has a good sense of humor, knows how to cook, really thinks about things and enjoys life, and who loves me an incredible amount and who I love an incredible amount... someone who gives me space when I need it, and will open up to me, and wants to learn and share life with me Meh: Wow, you really have it down to the details. I'm thinking it over, and no offense to whom I was talking to... I just don't think she has it down to the details. I think it over again, and she just listed some charachteristics that came to mind immediately. But how long can that last? Eventually she will know all his opinions on things, he'll be saying the same jokes over again, she knows she could cook for herself, and the passion of the love will subside... What then? Will she still be genuinely happy with this person? Or does she even want to be with this person once the flames turn to embers? I mean... if this is all their relationship is based on, what's next? I think things like these are what most people focus on. In my eyes, that is really sad. Because once everything slows down, are they any better off than they were before knowing the person? Sure they may have grown, and the person's ideas may have influenced your own. You could get simmilar influences from you gal pals. Why would you need alone time if your hearts became as one. Okay... there's enough of that. I've probably offended a number of people already. Many appologies, but it is somthing to think about. I wish I could make some female friends. I really don't want to be giving this wrong impression to guys all the time. Also, if I have female friends the guy will really have to like me to come up to me and ask if I want to do somthing. It won't be such a casual invitation that he can get away with. To be honest... since I've come to school, I've been very bad as far as lust. I think part of that is the lack of male attention. My daddy was very affectionate. If I would stand in front of him and lean back on his belly he'd give me a big ol' bear hug. When I walked up and stood in front of him, he'd put out his hand so I would hold it. I would walk up behind him and scratch my head using his back. And at night I would stay awake with my eyes closed. I would wait up 'til he came to my room to leave a kiss on my cheek. If he didn't I wouldn't sleep well that night. I think that is why I feel the need for a man's touch. But I'm going out and getting it in all the wrong ways. I wish there were some way I could fill those needs without going out and bringing myself down. So... I've decided that I am going to try to live more modestly. God help me, I know it may be the hardest thing I do, but really. I know if I am going to find happiness it's going to be by God's will, not my own. I'm not going to let guys touch me immodestly, and I'm not going to respond if they do. I just can't be used anymore. I know it seems harsh, but think about how well the relationship could build up and up and up if you really get to know each other and don't let the physical aspect interfere. I dunno... If a guy loves me, he'll be able to accept that. And if we have to break up for a while, that's okay. Because if God brings him back to me, then I'll know better that it was right for us to be together. I guess that's enough of that. If you think I've missed somthing, go ahead and ask. I'm thinking pretty clear right now. I hope that I can see things straight when people ask about different things. Lots of Love ~TK
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