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Okay, once upon there was a lovely princess and she had a lovely purple cow. It was VERY lovely. It's poo didn't even smell! This cow was also specially because it gave raspberry favored milk, purple milk, in fact. All the people throughout the land were willing to pay top dollar for this exotic treat, but the lovely princess wouldn't hear a word of it. She let each have a cup and then sent them on their way. One day, a king from a neighboring kingdom heard of the tasty treat and decided he wanted to try some too. But, trouble was stirring in the kingdom. His queen had died and his daughter who had been kidnapped by 3 "good" faeries up 'til about a year ago had run off to marry some prince. Everyone supposed the king had killed his wife, because she was always complaining that she missed her daughter and he would often have temper tantrums (which bugged the heck out of him). He still stands by the claim that she died of a broken heart. Anyway, with the word out that he killed his queen, every guy in the kingdom was pissed. She was one hot mama and he was pretty darn old. They were all hoping that the king would die first and she would take a new husband. Anywho... the guys in this kingdom were especially good shots as they were always preparing for the archery awards that they may has a kiss on the cheek from the fair, now deceased, queen. So, the king, fearing for his life, refused to set out for the yummy treat. Instead, he sent word that he wished to have words with the princess and her amazing cow. The princess had never had to go to anyone, and she sure wasn't going to start now. So started the feud between the stubborn royals. Months went by as fewer and fewer people started coming to get a drink from the cow. Those darn Capulets and Montagues were at it again, and no one was safe on the streets. The cow's utters were full and sore, and much of the milk was going to waste. The king’s face twisted with an evil smile as he relished what he saw in his palantia. So he called in his Special Opps. Force. The commander, Miss Belle, fluttered her wings excitedly as she heard about the plan. She called in the S.Y.L.P.H. (So You Like Playing Hard) force so that they might gather their strength for the night’s journey. It was going to be quite the effort if they were going to have a cow in the morning. So, the band of rogue pixies made their way to the far off kingdom. They were lucky enough that they remembered to take a right in Albuquerque. But when they made their way there they were most displeased to find that there was a guard, the likes of which they had never seen. It seemed to be a fierce flying purple monkey of DOOM! He saw the pixies and figured they were pretty hot so went over to say hello. By the time he got there, “Miss Belle” quit playing nice and “Tink” her multiple personality was throwing some pixie dust into his face to make him float away. She felt really dumb when she saw his namek tail. She tried to throw more pixie dust, which bugged him, so he kamehameha’d her posy all the way to the next barn over. Unfortunately, he was pretty darn bad at playing the villain, so he went over to the pixies and asked if they’d like to go get a drink. They were, after all, pretty hot. So, they took of with him to “go get a drink.” They ended up not reporting back to the king or the princess that day or the next. So, something was up. Finally, the king got his balls and went to go see the princess, because he was supper bugged that his mistress had been taken captive. But instead of chewing her out, his jaw dropped and he bent down on one knee to ask her to marry him, because she was in this awesome purple dress, and he loved purple. So, she was totally cool with that. She had always been quite the gold digger. How did you think she got that awesome raspberry milk machine? Hopefully, she’d have better luck than the last wife. *Special note: The purple monkey and Tink ended up hopping to Vegas to get hitched. When they returned things were worse than ever. Chichi met Tink, and they chopped off Goku, the purple monkey’s, tail.
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